Persistent or just really stubborn: how to distinguish the two
Are you being persistent or stubbornly doubling down?
Am I being persistent or stubborn? That’s a question I ask myself often. Especially when I feel the immediate urge to double down when faced with information that challenges my beliefs. Because persistence is considered a good thing. It means sticking to your values and going with your gut. It’s admirable. Meanwhile, being stubborn is a sign of unwillingness to learn. Of refusing to listen and completely disregarding every claim that goes against what you believe. But where exactly is the line between the good and the bad? Between persistence and being stubborn?
Persistence is a word I am very familiar with. A quality I have always aspired to have, mainly because of the meaning that the word held in my family. Persistence is what I learned to strive for when I was growing up.
My family was a family of persistance. We needed to keep on going. Even if we hated what we were doing. We finished our education, never dropped out, never just quit jobs, even if we hated them… We stuck to the decisions we made no matter how bad they turned out to be.
My father hated quitters and he made sure we knew that it would be a disappointment if we turned into one.
The same applied to opinions.
We were a family of ‘debaters’ (if you could call loudly yelling at each other debating) and giving in and saying ‘my bad, you’re right’, just wasn’t in our vocabulary.
Persistence was what we called it.
But recently I started to question whether or not that’s really ‘persistence’. Because seeing several people double down on their ignorance while simultaneously getting applauded for ‘speaking the truth’ or ‘not being afraid to stand their ground’ on Threads, made me question the value of this widely considered positive character trait.
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When are you persistent or stubborn?
Because: when do you cross the line from being a persistent person who stands by her values, to a stubborn person who just can’t accept that they’re wrong?
We’ve all seen it happen: someone (on- or offline) makes a statement that turns out to be pretty insensitive or ignorant. Someone (or a lot of people) points it out to them. And instead of sitting with it and reflecting, they double down and stand by what they said.
Especially if you have a legion of people flocking in that would say that the person was right in making the statement. Or that they’re at least admirable for standing their ground.
It happens with politicians. The current president of the United States is applauded for his coarse behavior because he tells it how it is. Meanwhile a huge chunk of the country hates him for exactly that reason. He doesn’t change.
Is that persistence?
But it works the other way around too: someone makes a progressive statement and people immediately come in to call them out on it because it’s ‘delusional’ or ‘misandrist’ or whatever other reason they have for disagreeing with the statement.
Am I now persistent or stubborn for sticking to my guns?
The difference between persistent or stubborn
Persistence and stubbornness are hard to distinguish when you look at it from this perspective.
The one big difference is that we perceive stubbornness as the ‘wrong’ trait. When you are persistent, you are strong. When you are stubborn, you are single-minded and inflexible. But the line between the two terms is pretty blurry.
So, how do we actually distinguish the two?
Maybe it would be more fitting to talk about growth first. Growth, in my opinion, is linked to persistence. The meaning of growth from the natural perspective, is to get bigger. It means to expand. A plant grows, trees grow, life itself has to grow.
We people grow.
It is the natural order of things. We get bigger on the outside and if we do everything right, as we get older, we do not just grow our bodies but also our mind.
Because the truth is: people who are stuck in the same convictions and opinions as they had forty years ago will always feel out of place. Like life is moving away from them and they are not able to keep up.
They are the people who will now claim everything is getting too ‘woke’. That they ‘can’t say anything anymore’.
We expect the minds of people to grow. We expect them to understand events and reality on a much deeper level than they did when they were young.
Because that’s how progress is supposed to work.
We praise stubbornness as persistence
And society changes fast.
Way faster than some of us can actually grasp. This does not necessarily mean all change is good. We all know that progress doesn’t always equal positives. And I do not think everyone should always agree with everything happening at all times because of change.
Look at AI art, for example. That’s a version of progress that I think isn’t necessarily good.
But isn’t determining whether or not the ‘progress’ happening actually qualifies for the label of ‘growth’, the real definition of the word? I think that’s the key to determining the difference between persistence and stubbornness.
Because there are way too many people who built their platform or personality on a certain stance. And who never evaluate whether or not that is still the right stance to take. If you campaign on hate and get elected because of it, people almost expect you not to grow. Because growth to them feels like betrayal.
People seem to value growth less than actual reflection when it comes to the most important positions in a country.
Cause when men in their seventies say that to change an opinion or apologize for previous wrongdoings is hypocritical, people seem to agree. When a man has been on national television for so many years and has never apologized for anything hurtful he spews, he is seen as admirable.
And when that same kind of man is praised by thousands of people for ‘sticking to his guns’ and always standing by his claims, they call it persistence.
What persistence actually looks like
Is that what it is? Let us take a look at the word ‘persistence’. To persist means to continue to exist. To continue to do something in a determined way even when facing difficulties or opposition. Persistence sounds like being able to pull through in spite of the odds.
Looking at the abuse victim pulling themselves through, not letting life get them down, or considering the terminal patient who remains optimistic and fighting when their illness is getting the best of them. The struggling student who still manages to get their diploma.
In these situations, persistence seems like a really good thing, something that could mean the difference between life or death.
But what about the dictator, suppressing their people for power while taking down everyone who tries to oppose them? What about the cultist convinced that salvation will come through sacrifice? The flat-earther, denying the natural curves of the earth?
I think most people would agree with the difference in the meaning of persistence in these cases. We would not call these people persistent. They are stubborn, relentless, rigid.
Maybe even evil.
The examples are clear, mostly black and white cases of the shift in meaning of persistence.
When does it qualify as persistent or stubborn?
Then what about the scientist learning that their lives work was actually wrong but not willing to admit it? The woman working, wearing herself out to achieve some goal she set for herself that might just be too high to reach? The man still making hurtful statements about groups of people while constantly being told it is hurtful and wrong?
Is that persistence?
Is standing your ground the right thing to do when the same people you have hurt tell you that you hurt them? I think this is where growth comes into play.
Pulling through, to keep going is seen as something admirable. To keep working on that thing you said you would do when your body is working against you. When you are so tired and want to sleep at 3 am but keep going for the sake of the ‘cause’. People tell you that you are strong.
‘I do not know how you do it’, they say.
But Persistence should not be mistaken for stubborness.
Strength should not be mistaken for depletion.
Stubborness is not strength, to stand your ground when your body, your mind or others are telling you it is not right. Maybe the bigger thing, the stronger thing, is to take a step back and really listen. Listen to what your body tells you, listen to what your mind tells you.
Listen to what the people around you are telling you. And embracing the growth that is knocking–loudly–at your door.
The difference between persistence or stubbornness is growth
It’s about evaluating whether or not the thing that you’re desperately advocating for, actually is the right thing. And changing your mind accordingly.
Holding on to beliefs can be labeled persistence. But when the thing you’re persistent about doesn’t actually do any good, it turns into stubbornness real quick. Especially when you’re priding yourself on the changes you’re making and how you’re lifting others up.
When you want to be persistent in your advocacy for yourself and others, you can’t rigidly hold on to the beliefs that don’t do anything for that goal. If you want to build a platform to help people or if you want to run for office to make your country “great again”, holding onto everything that has turned out to be harming that exact same mission isn’t persistence.
Persistence and growth are about adjusting and being determined in your desire to align your behavior and thoughts with your morals.
Like the persistence to do the right thing.
Am I being persistent or stubborn?
Being persistent can mean: treating your body as the strong and healthy vessel it is, ready to move mountains when you need it to. To grow into the kind of person who persists in their ability to change an opinion. And to adjust a goal or cut it into smaller, more easily digestible bits.
To persist in listening to others and to persist in growth. To reach that stage in life where you have seen much, heard much, and still know you have lots to learn. I think persistence in itself is meaningless if it never evokes some kind of change or growth.
To keep doing the same thing because you think you are right for doing so turns into mindless repetition.
Mindless repetition then turns into broken patterns. Broken patterns turn into a broken life of constantly doubling down, because to change an opinion would be considered ‘weakness’.
And before you know it you are still the same person as you were 30 years ago, making the same statements, believing the same things while the world burns around you.
Now does that sound like persistence?
