Deal with weight fluctuations like a body positivity expert
Don't let sizing up bring you down
Everytime I feel like I’m on the right track with my ‘body neutrality’-goals, I have to deal with weight fluctuations that launch me back into an episode of self-loathing and hate for the way my body looks. Because it isn’t really hard to learn to love your body. It is, however, damn hard to love your body even when it keeps on changing constantly.
I have been struggling with weight fluctuations for as long as I can remember. Or actually, I never really considered them to be fluctuations.
I just believed I was getting fat.
When I had to surrender to my clothes again during another uphill battle of squeezing into that tight top, I would silently curse myself for letting it get this far.
Afterwards I would look for a new exercise routine that would help me get my body back to ‘normal’. While knowing all too well that there has never been a time that my body looked the exact same way as the year that came before it.
But that is a fact that diet culture quickly helps me forget.
When I experienced yet another ‘bad body image’-day while getting dressed, I realized I was sick of it. Especially after what happened a few days later. When my partner said right before we left the house: ‘My pants are getting a little too tight. I need more comfortable shorts that fit better.’ And then he changed into different shorts.
Just like that.
Short summary for quick readers
- Your body weight fluctuates all day, week and month. And that means that getting bigger or smaller is just a normal part of living.
- It's useless to fight these weight fluctuations but it is important to learn how to accept them – especially when living in a fatphobic society.
- Get rid of the clothes that don't fit you anymore. Try not to hold on to "they might fit again some day" – that's setting yourself up for disappointment.
- Find new stuff to wear for your new size that you feel happy in. Go thrift shopping and size up. You wouldn't buy shoes that are too small, so why would you do it with clothes?
- Have compassion. Don't blame yourself for gaining weight and talk to yourself like you would to a friend. Remind yourself of the purpose of your body instead of its looks: your body works whether you consider it 'pretty' or not.
- Try not to hide your body away if you do it just cause you hate yourself. Baggy clothes are good for comfort but not for disguising the parts of yourself that you despise.
* Free wallpaper download * Free wallpaper download * Free wallpaper download
* Free wallpaper download * Free wallpaper download * Free wallpaper download
The casualness of it all. . .
Now I don’t know about you, but if the roles were reversed, I would have not been so chill about it. Honestly, I might not even have wanted to leave the house anymore. If that was me and my partner asked me why I changed my clothes, I might have said something about the level of comfort. But mentioning that the pants were too tight is admitting that you got fat.
And admitting that you got fat means that you’ll feel bad about seeing yourself in the mirror for weeks (fatphobia, is that you?).
After him changing his pants and not making a big deal about it, I needed to know what was going on inside his mind at that moment. I needed to know how he got over it that quickly. And I wanted to know if that conversation was as traumatizing for him as it would have been for me if my pants wouldn’t comfortably close anymore.
So I asked him.
The answer, though not surprising at all, made me envy him. It made me want to write this. Just because of the normal-ness of it all. I needed to know how he dealt with his weight fluctuations.
His thoughts were about comfort. About how he did not want his pants to feel tight around his waist or legs when he sat down. The thought ‘Did I get fatter?’ did cross his mind for a second but not as judgment.
Just an observation.
He told me it got him thinking about the kind of shorts he wanted to wear. Ones that were as comfortable as swimming trunks. Never did he think about the burgers he’d been eating or the possible lack of exercise. He did not sound embarrassed or sad about it. He was just plain practical:
‘My pants don’t fit anymore. Time to buy new ones.’
Our ever-changing bodies
The average adult’s body weight fluctuates between 1-2 kilograms or 2,2 to 4,4 pounds over a few days to weeks. This means you could gain or lose around 4 pounds in just a matter of days. Which naturally makes your body change in terms of how it feels and looks.
An outfit that looked one way when you put it on that morning can look completely different when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror during your afternoon walk home from work. Some people experience weight fluctuations in winter, making those jeans you bought in summer suddenly tighter when you try them on in December.
We gain and lose weight during the week, in the course of a month, even during the day.
We experience weight fluctuations when we get older, when we’re busy living life. And when we feel heavy with the mental burden of stress or experiencing the delight of life’s greatest joys, it also naturally makes us lose or gain a few pounds.
Our bodies are constantly changing with the seasons of the year.
Just like we ourselves are.
A body to fit the current ‘you’ that you’re becoming.
Weight fluctuations are normal
All of these are normal fluctuations, everyone experiences them. The most important thing right now, is to figure out how to actually treat them as normal as they are. I totally understand that the fact that your shirt fit you a few weeks ago and now doesn’t anymore, can make you feel like trash.
But the fact of the matter is: it happens. There’s no denying it and fighting it won’t make you feel any better either.
Cause it’s a losing battle.
So how do we deal with these changes in a way that does not make us feel like crap whenever we come across a piece of clothing that we can not pull over our hips anymore?
Today we learn how to deal with weight fluctuations the same way a person with a healthy body image does.
#1 Get rid of the clothes
I know you’re tempted to save them. I know you want to check whether they’d actually fit again some day. And maybe they will.
But what if they don’t?
You can never be sure of the fact that you will be that same size again. You can only be sure of the fact that your weight is constantly changing and so there is no telling whether you’d fit into the jeans again.
I had a pair of jeans that I had fit in for over 5 years. Then suddenly, one day, they didn’t fit anymore. I was so confused and felt so bad about my body. I saved the jeans for the moment when I would fit into them again because surely I would again some day, right? And so I tucked the jeans away in the back of my closet. After a few months of rigorous exercising, I found the jeans again. I was sure they would fit me and so I put them on.
Spoiler alert: they didn’t.
Don’t wait for your body to change ‘back’
They were even smaller than when I first decided to hide them. I felt even worse than I did before. The point of the story being: you never know whether or not it will fit again and putting yourself through the trauma of them not fitting again is way worse than getting rid of the clothes.
I know my partner does not keep clothes just to see whether he can squeeze himself into them a year later. He literally forgets about the clothes and they stay in his closet until he finds them during a long overdue closet purge. Then he throws them out without even thinking about it.
Crazy, I know!
So save yourself the heartbreak and throw them out. Give them away, donate them or cut them up and sew them into something different if you’re the creative type.
#2 FIND SOME NEW FITS!
The first thing my partner did when he could not fit into his shorts comfortably anymore, is talk about getting new clothes that do feel comfortable. So a more healthy way to get over the bummed out feeling of not fitting into clothes anymore, is looking for new things to wear that DO fit you.
Take off that dress that is stuck halfway your boobs and look for a similar – or completely different – dress in a size up. Get excited about imagining yourself in those new cute clothes and how good you’d look in them. Think about how badass you’d look and the things you would do if you could wear that pretty top with that gorgeous skirt.
If you have someone close to you that can accompany you and hype you up while you look for clothes then by all means, bring them! Put on your headphones and blast your favorite music while you try on all the pieces of clothing that you like.
It’s not about the label
The only thing that is important is that you forget about the number that used to be on the label in the back of your shirts. You have a new size now, a new number, and that is just a fact that needs to be acknowledged but it doesn’t require a whole funeral. We don’t mourn the dead, we celebrate the living and your new clothes will provide living and breathing ‘you’ with endless comfort.
The ultimate goal.
Now, clothing sizes are a joke and it could still be that stuff in that bigger size does not fit you.
Don’t let it bring you down.
You have a new size now and just like you don’t buy shoes that are a size too small (ouch!), you should not wear jeans that are a size too small either. So either get a bigger size or, if sizing up more bums you out a lot, don’t get those jeans at all. Find a different pair in your new size that does fit you.
If you don’t have the financial means to buy new clothes then second hand might also be an option for you. Or just try on the clothes and take some cute pics of yourself wearing them.
All you need is a reminder that you are beautiful inside and out by just being you and not because of the number stitched in the rim of your pants. The clothes are just what we use to decorate something already gorgeous. It’s an expression of what is already there. So put on that pretty dress and have your friend take some pictures of you being confident and comfortable. The pictures serve as a reminder that size is not what makes you beautiful. YOU are what makes size gorgeous.
#3 Be compassionate with your weight fluctuations
If a loved one walks up to you and tells you that they don’t fit into their clothes anymore, you would not tell them they’re trash. When my partner told me about his shorts I responded completely differently than I would have if it were me who couldn’t close that top button on my pants.
If I was not able to fit into my clothes anymore, I would have thought of the meals I have eaten in the past weeks (meals that I have definitely enjoyed eating) and all the days I did not exercise. I would think of myself as gross and I would think I was a failure.
But that’s not what you think of the people you love.
And you should not think of yourself in that way either. I know that my partner does not think of himself that way when he realizes that he has to get rid of a piece of fabric too tight to provide comfort.
You are just as lovable as the people around you and you should treat yourself like a person that you actually love.
Meet your weight fluctuations with love
Compassion is just as important to show to yourself, maybe even more important than showing it to others. So be kind to yourself. This does not mean that you have to nip all the bad thoughts in the bud and berate yourself for thinking them in the first place. What it means is catching yourself while you think those things and following the thought with a more compassionate one. One that makes you feel better about yourself instead of worse.
So for example, when you catch yourself thinking that you’re lazy and that you should have exercised more, you can follow that thought with a gentle:
‘You need to rest your body when your body needs it and it is okay to take breaks from exercising. Weight fluctuations are normal and you are not a bad person for gaining weight.’
After that you end it with a:
‘Your body is a powerful vessel that does not need judgment about its level of beauty.’
Just to remind yourself of the actual purpose of the instrument we’re talking about. An instrument that works perfectly fine whether you consider it beautiful or not. So you might as well save yourself the trouble and endless effort of constantly looking for flaws.
Don’t play hide and seek with your body
Something I think is important to mention aside from the list: as a person with a healthy body image you should avoid hiding your body to deal with the changes that you see in the mirror.
If you feel more comfortable wearing baggy clothes then – of course – always choose comfort, but it is important to evaluate the reason why you wear those baggy clothes.
I totally relate to the need to hide your body away until you feel ready to face the new rolls and bulges or until you maybe lost the weight again and are ‘skinnier than ever’. But we both know that is not a realistic way to look at it.
And that’s not what a person with a healthy body image would do.
By hiding your body, you are actually admitting to yourself – and others – that there is some shameful secret that no one should see. You are silently growing your embarrassment underneath the bulky clothes, especially when you see your reflection in a store window and realize that the undefinable shape of your body makes all your insecurities disappear. So why should you ever take those sweatpants off that are 3 sizes too big?
I understand
Really, I get it. It happens to me every winter and I love my oversized sweaters and hiding my body underneath a bunch of layers. But I don’t see my partner walking around in t-shirts that are way too big so he can hide that little flab bulging over the edge of his jeans. The only reason a person with a healthy body image would wear oversized clothing is for comfort.
And that’s what we want to be doing too.
So wear the oversized sweater and relax in those baggy jeans. If comfort is your intent then go for it! Buy that shirt a few sizes too big.
But if you are trying to hide something that should have never been considered a secret to begin with, then you might want to challenge yourself and wear something a little tighter. Just to get comfortable with seeing yourself exactly as you are. With all your rolls, curves, bulges and dimples.
And if you need some extra encouragement or body confidence, I urge you to check out @alexlight_ldn on Instagram. You’ll feel better after that.
Remind yourself that you are what makes the clothes work. Not the other way around.
A closing statement on weight fluctuations
Of course a little disclaimer is needed.
My partner was assigned, identifies as and expresses himself as a man. The world is built differently for men and they face a whole different level of body issues than people of other genders do. So maybe his issues are not completely comparable to mine, someone who was AFAB and identifies as such.
But even though he might not have received the same conditioning as I did, I do think there is something to learn from his approach to body image and weight fluctuations.
Especially since it’s this kind of practical approach that we could all benefit from.
So hopefully these tips help us to confront our fears surrounding something as simple as putting on clothes. Hopefully you gained some insight into the world of a person with – generally speaking – a healthy body image (yes, they exist). And maybe.
Just maybe.
We won’t let something as mundane as a piece of fabric completely rule and take over our lives.
