Newsflash: not everything has to be perfect all the time

It is okay to not get everything 'right' right away

Do you feel constantly limited by your own mind and your own perfectionism? I definitely do. And it has taken me a year to figure out (still haven’t fully figured out) how to ignore my little perfectionist critic and do the thing anyway. Because newsflash: not everything has to be perfect all the time.

I’ve had this blog for months – no, wait, it’s been over a year already!? I had it all planned out: I was going to fix my website, set everything up and freaking ACE this thing. It was going to be perfect. But of course, I set my standards way too high and it completely debilitated me. At first I kept making excuses: I just had to finish this one thing and that picture needed some more work…

But I never really got there.

And I’m guessing some of you might feel te same way: we start something all fresh and confident, only to completely abandon it a few months, or even a few weeks later (okay, okay, sometimes mere days after starting). We set our standards too high because we believe that we can do better.

That we should do better.

But I don’t want to be that person anymore. And I have a feeling that 2024 will finally be the year that I tackle my perfectionism.

Or, I mean, I guess I don’t have to completely tackle it… Baby steps, right? 2024 will be the year that I try to tackle my perfectionism. And that should be enough. Because I don’t have to be perfect at tackling my own insecurities. That’s already growth right there.

* Free wallpaper download * Free wallpaper download * Free wallpaper download

My Substack

Some of my art

Illustration with a colorful background. In a cloud is written "It takes time to become your unique, weird, cringy and happy self".

Illustration of different shapes. On top of the shapes is written: "when it comes to perfection, you set your own standard".

Illustration of a capibara sitting with wide, red eyes, holding his arms to his chest. Ghosts fly out from his arms and the words on the illustration read "Time to embrace my inner demons".

Illustration of a stomach with eyes and a little smile. Around the stomach are the words "I need you to listen to me", "Can anybody hear me?" and "hello?". The illustration reads: "Listen and trust your gut".

Illustration of a person, naked, on a swing. In the background is a rainbow in purple/pink colors and the clouds are pastel-colored. The person is surrounded by flowers. The drawing says: "I am always & fully myself"

Illustration of brown shapes in the background. This changes into some colorful shapes around the words "Imagine all the geat things you're missing out on trying to be normal".

Illustration of a turtle on a beach looking at the waves in the see in the distance. The illustration reads "I take small steps to get to where I am going".

Illustration that says "Do Not Silence That Weird Little Voice in Your Head". The text is in a cloud and the background is multicolored. Around the cloud are the words 'blablabla' repeated.

An illustration of the moon, smiling. Around it are clouds. In the moon the words are written: "If you feel overwhelmed, focus on your breating: in- and exhale control and feel the storm slowly settle".

Illustration with a colorful background. In the front there's a cloud with writing. It says: "I refuse to let another dream go to waste because I was too afraid what would happen if I let myself try"

Illustration with a pink background and the words "you can't hate yourself into loving yourself"

Illustration of a Queen playing card but instead of the regular icons, it says "no" and a red circle with a stripe. Around the card is barbed wire and it reads "Queen of Boundaries".

Colorful illustration with the words "Boundaries are about protecting yourself, not their feelings".

Join the community

Image: Freepik

PERFECT IS CRAPPIER

I am going to be writing about my personal experience in this blog post. Which is something I often do, but usually I accompany it with a shit ton of research into the subject I’m writing about. And I guess that is exactly what I should be discussing here. Because this time, I am not going to do that.

About a year ago, I wrote a blog about the fear of success. I mentioned my perfectionism and how it is basically a tool for self-sabotage. And honestly, in my case, that is what perfectionism is. It doesn’t matter where my perfectionism comes from and what it means in terms of Freudian mommy/daddy issues or whatever. What does matter is what perfectionism is doing to me right now.

And honestly, wanting things to be perfect all the time actually makes those same things turn out crappy. Because my perfectionism makes it so that those things will never happen. Because deep down I know that perfect doesn’t exist. So, I either make something that isn’t perfect and feel disappointed in myself. Or I don’t make anything at all.

And that last option is probably the most comfortable, right?

I get angry and frustrated whenever I end up binging a show instead of working on art or writing. But the truth is: it is a very deliberate choice. In the moment it feels like I’m glued to the couch and my phone, but I know damn well that I have a choice and that I’m acting like I’m not the one making it.

And that is what perfectionism does to me, isn’t it?

It makes you think you shouldn’t even start because whatever you make or do, will never live up to the impossible standards you set for yourself.

Wendy walking towards a church in a street. The buildings are all partially grey, except for the ones she walked past: those have gained color. There are lines running from the walls to Wendy.

Creating habits to reach goals: a complete guide

Did you know that small changes in behavior can help you make a big impact in your life? Learn how...

THE CRUTCH OF PERFECT

Back when I started this blog, I decided that every post should have a meaningful and special picture. Something cool that matches the contents of the blog, all made by moi. And that meant I had to wait until I actually found that perfect picture in order for me to post. Then, I decided that every post should have its own Pinterest pins (yes, multiple) and that every post should have a digital drawing made by me.

Woof… The time it took me to make all that? No joke, my friends. That is what my perfectionism looked like. That is what I thought I needed in order to succeed.

So, things took more time, the launch of my blog got postponed, deadlines were delayed, and then – eventually and unsurprisingly – I stopped making things all together.

When I had just started to work on this dream, I watched all these YouTube-tutorials about making blogs and attended free webinars so I would know what to do. I read all about the best way to set up your blog and I wanted this to succeed right away. As always, I needed this to be perfect from the start. As if successful people don’t fail six thousand times before they get it right…

So, what usually happens is that I make these big plans that are impossible to actually do. And whenever I can’t manage to make them happen (what a surprise), I quit entirely. Because when I failed once, it’s all over, right?

Wrong.

HOW NOT TO BE PERFECT

We get that we don’t have to be perfect. I have written about owning our mistakes before and I think it is an important part of dealing with perfectionism. But what I think is even more important to accept is that: yes, we do make mistakes and that is fine, but it is how you deal with the mistake after it happened that matters in this case.

Because does a mistake mean we will never get it right?

As a child you knew that that wasn’t true. You knew that if you hopped back on that bike, you would eventually learn how to ride it. That if you kept jumping, reaching for the branches, you might actually climb that tree. Isn’t that literally what they taught us when they said to ‘jump back on the horse’?

When did we learn that a mistake equals failure? When did we come to the silly conclusion that a mistake means you might as well give up because you are never going to get it right? I don’t remember when my brain started to trick me like that. What I do know is that the only way mistakes equal ‘failure’ is if you quit right after that first slip up.

Because if you quit after you tried, you did, in fact, not succeed.

Wendy in between frames that gives off a neon light. She has her arms spread out and looks to the side.

How to set clear boundaries and keep them there, unwavering

If you are a pushover like me, you might want to read this blog where I give a clear step-by-step on...

SUCCESS ISN’T ABOUT PERFECTION

Honestly: succeeding isn’t as much about reaching the goal. It is about having the strength to keep going even though you have to start from scratch. To do the actual thing you’ve been wanting to do. In Dutch we have a saying that basically translates to: “participating is more important than winning”. And that is exactly what success should look like: success is participating even though you keep ‘losing’.

Success just means you showed up. And whether or not you reach your goal right away, doesn’t matter. Because as long as you keep chasing that dream, you are successful in my book (that one is extra special for the people who desperately crave my approval).

The moment that you decide to stick with it and keep trying, means success is still a possibility. When you give up, you give up on the chance of finally getting where you want to be. And even though I don’t like the word ‘failure’, I do feel like you’re doing yourself and your dreams a disservice by throwing in the towel.

FIND WHAT WORKS FOR YOU

So, when you’re setting a goal that includes doing something every day, don’t sweat it when you miss a day or mess something up. If you want to be a writer but can’t spell to save your life, then it doesn’t mean you will never get there.

Look for different solutions to the problems you’re facing. Can’t stick to a schedule? Find a good planner that’ll help you. Or ask a friend. Set timers, or hide reminders around the house. You can find more of these tips in my blog post about goal setting or how to create habits. It is all about making the steps toward the goal work for you instead of forcing it by spreading yourself really thin.

And that is exactly what I plan on doing with this blog. This short form virtual word vomit is the first example of that. I won’t force myself into a schedule that will only guarantee quitting. I will make my dreams come true without burning myself out. Especially if that means I’ll have to change my standards of what qualifies as ‘perfect’.

Success isn’t about whether we’re doing everything right. It isn’t about perfection, even though we do associate the two with one another. Success includes failures. Big ones, even. If you’re not failing left and right while picking yourself up time and time again, are you even successful?

I wouldn’t call that succes, necessarily. To me, that is just plain luck.